I remember being in high school and I had a friend who was (much, much, much) cooler than I was (am) and whenever we'd take a test, no matter what the result was, she'd say,
"Well, who cares. I didn't study or anything. I didn't even try, so whatever." Or something to that effect. (I'm afraid I don't know how she would say it as I am not and never have been cool. Ha!)
But, though I toyed with that idea briefly, I couldn't ever commit to not caring. Or to not trying. You see, I really want a certain life: I want to be able to spend all day with my baby and then work on my music at night and then have the money to go to Prince Edward Island, if I should so desire.
I totally understand the appeal in saying I don't care or even really, truly not caring: then, if I don't succeed, it doesn't matter. Like my high school friend, failing a test you didn't care about is no big deal. And if you should succeed, well, that makes the result that much more impressive.
But I do care. And I do try. And I've failed a. lot. Parts I've wanted, I haven't gotten. Contests I've entered, I haven't won. Shows I've performed that no one but the bartender heard.
And all of what I've seen in life so far points to it being okay (okay to fail, okay for it to take a wee bit longer than you hoped, okay to walk out in the light and realize that the outfit that you planned painstakingly doesn't really match after all). I mean, Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Julia Child - all people who tried (tried hard) and sometimes failed.
But then when they did succeed, well, how worth while to have let their pride have been battered and their dignity smooshed.
I say, try, try again! What do you think?
